Think Critical Mass, but Drunker...

Photo Courtesy of SJBikeParty.org

Looks like Unity, Sounds like Chaos, Feels like Love.

The San Jose Bike Party is one of the fastest growing two-wheeled events in the Bay Area, and it’s easy to see why. I arrived at the meeting location in downtown San Jose in a lonely parking lot left empty under a shamrock intersection of 280 and 80 near the Childrens Science Museum about an hour and a half before take-off; but already major news outlets and cops had showed up to check out the group of about fifty bicycle-wielding hooligans. Most every one of these early-birds had already begun drinking and/or smoking, some double-fisting tall cans while riding handless. Less than five minutes after arrival, it seemed like the gates of hell (if Dante had riden bicycles through the Inferno) burst open and a steady stream of cyclists peddled down into this lot, which was becoming a lake of flesh, bone, rubber, and alloy metal.

I use the term ‘cyclists’ loosely because almost none of these people riding were cyclists in any traditional sense of the word. There were bicycles embellished as sea-horses, hipsters doing keo-spins on Deep V’s and aero-spokes, drunks towing baby carriages full of speakers, cholos on low-riders, and punks on BMX bikes; but almost none wearing a cyclist uniform spandex or aero-dynamic plastic helmets.

At around nine the night had set in, and bongos, beer, and free Red Bull kept everyone ready for the ride that had just begun. We were only two-blocks in when people were already getting pulled over for running red lights, and the unfortunate people stuck driving in this mess found their cars rendered useless. It was as if a diver found himself engulfed in a swarm of jellyfish. At least three cops were posted at every stoplight for the first mile, but resistance faded as the ride went on; it’s damn near impossible to enforce lawfulness on a party in the thousands driven by booze, weed, and bicycles.

The ride was relatively slow paced. I found myself sprinting and weaving through bicycles from time to time, but this was by no means a race. It was mostly people cruising next to whoever had good music playing, or whoever was passing around a blunt or a sport bottle full of rum. Only two rest stops were made, which is the lowest amount yet since SJBP’s humble beginning, but everyone seemed to be handling the ride just fine. The occasional person would cut out down a random street to take a shorter route home; but yells of “Bike Party!”, and “SJBP!” were solid until the un-official after party at La Victoria, a Mexican spot famous for their mysterious orange sauce (the chants then turned into “Orange Sauce Party!”).

The San Jose Bike Party takes place the third Friday of every month, and it is much worth riding, or even just observing; think of it as Bay2Breakers, but at night and on bikes. You don’t have to be a good rider, or even a rider at all. You just have to be ready to have a good time. This isn’t a politically charged critical mass, this is a San Jose Bike Party, and it is just that.

Check SJBikeParty.org for future ride locations, themes, and meeting locations.